Saturday, May 30, 2009

my frustration

lately i cant seem to make things right, and im not talking about everything in my life persay but jsut certain aspects of it. i dont know, maybe i take it a little to hard on myself its just that when someone hears something that they dont like like that they cant have something or that i cant find it or the they have to do something or whatever it may be and whoever it may be and they get upset or they feel hurt or bad because they cant have what they want, or because they have to do something that they didnt want to do at work or wherever, i take that as they're upset with me. i know sometimes people are upset and just dont want to say so and im sure sometimes i assume that people are upset because ive been so used to that i guess.

i feel like at work when i tell my supervisor he or she did this or that against what u said and they get talked to about it that im a bother to my supervisor and i should just keep my mouth shut.

i feel in my marriage that i am a bad husband sometimes because i cant always find something thats 100% there or because i do something wrong. i get myself thinking that i cant do anything good enough and then it puts certain people in weird spots i guess. i hope my wife knows that i love her even when i try to say things a certain way and it seems like im attacking or blaming someone else when all im honestly trying to do is sort out the problems that are tearing me apart inside.

i am starting to feel lately like i have a few phychological problems that i wish i could talk to a therapist about because me thinking is really starting to tear me down. i need to learn how to get people to understand me and to get people to talk things out with me. i need to learn how to show other people how to use restraint and patience. i also have started to develop very sporadic sleepwalking... which really scares the living hell outta me and i need to find a way to stop it. it doesnt happen often but when it does and i finally wake up from it im sooooooooOOOOOOO scared to go back to sleep i have to pass out form exhaustion to get any sleep.

sometimes i feel like a bad father because i have a crummy job and i cant give my son everything that he should have. i cant afford to go buy him the nicest newest things and to buy him new toys all the time. i hope that he knows that i will always love him.

these are just a few of my frustrations.... feels better to write them out thanks for listening everyone.

brians blog

these posts will be ones that generally voice out my corrresponding feelings to whatever the subject is of the post.